On Deadlines & Saying No

Earlier in the evening today I just realised I had missed the deadline for a small part of my school assignment by 2 days! Imagine my shock and denial. I had read through the whole assignment but had truly missed the deadline for the first part. Alhamdulillah I set myself on it tonight and I managed to get it done even though it’s super-late. I emailed my tutor too in hopes he will pardon me and give me a pass, at least. I really hope!

But I shan’t dwell on it too much, as it was a genuine mistake and there’s no point being too upset over it. It’s not the worst that can happen and I still have the chance to make it right for the second part of the assignment- the thousand word essay. 

And I hope to always remember this. That I may make mistakes sometimes but what’s important is what I do about it. That I will own up to it, try my best to make it right, learn from it and pray to Allah to ease my affairs. 

May Allah ease. And I can do this. 

Also, it dawned on me that I have two essay assignments due within several days which brought me to say no. No to supposed plans over the weekend and my plan to finish doing up the cards for a small project for some sisters. It kinda sucks because you wish you can do them all but this is it, a lesson for me ultimately from Allah. To prioritise and choose wisely and make sure I can allocate my all to all that I intend to do. 

You Matter 

Mood: making my voice heard in my own way 
An instagram story of words, yet it’s me voicing my thoughts, projecting them out to the world

It’s a big deal to me, really

When I find myself engaging in comparison going down the downward spiral of “and then there’s me”

Stop, don’t do this to yourself. You need to control these negative thoughts, don’t let them get to you.

You’re better than this, stronger than this.

Yes I’m still figuring it out, to each and everyone their own battles
You either know because people share or you don’t because people keep it away from the public eye

And same goes with you too darling

Realising that where I am and where I want to be is a gap
Doesn’t mean I’m not making progress

Going back to the instagram story
Yes I have my own thoughts and opinions too
And they matter
I’m free to share them as long as it’s within the limits

I matter.

I am enough.

You are Enough.

“Regardless of who we are, how we were raised or what we believe, all of us fight hidden, silent battles against not being good enough, not having enough and not belonging enough. When we find the courage to share our experiences and the compassion to hear others tell their stories, we force shame out of hiding, and end the silence.”
– Brenè Brown

May our days ahead be of courage and strength, insyaAllah.

Here and Now

Darling don’t you dwell on your worries
Remember you always have a choice
Choose what to focus on
Search for and keep positive vibes and gratitude close
Finding answers and knowledge will be a journey
So don’t rush
Focus now and make time for all that matters
And the rest, is just clutter.

Cheers to Self!

This is for all the times I shrank in a group setting. For the times I felt out of place or lost trying to fit in. for the times my thoughts went racing in the midst of my conversations with others, along with unending worries and anxieties. For the times I wish I’d just relax and let be. For all the times I wished people understand. For all the times I just should have realised that I wasn’t that very different, just special in my own way.
I was just looking back at an old group whatsapp conversation and was reminded of how long it takes for me to respond. And unlike most of the rest, my replies are usually succinct, formal. Proper. It makes sense because as an introvert, I tend to think before I speak or act. Usually.

It’s just that I wished I could be more spontaneous, less proper. More fun you know? Like girrrl why you so serious?!?! Like what’s wrong with you?!

And so a faint wave of realization came over me- they’re not the problem for being who they are. Neither am I. The problem was simply an illusion. If it exists at all, it is because I perceived it to be present when there was none. I am perfectly fine the way I am too.

This is something I’ve been trying to grasp and embrace especially ever since I learnt about my introversion(INFJ to be exact) and being a HSP, that just because I have different tendencies and preferences and whatever else, does not make me in the wrong. Or worse, less of value.

Of course, the incidences in that group conversation aren’t isolated cases. It is the same with most other groups as well. This echoes well with real-life settings too where group settings are my weakness. And guess what? Even though one-on-one meetups/conversations are much more preferred, I still get a little anxious and sometimes even mentally prepare the things I want to talk about/ask in case I run out of things to say.. sigh. Haha.

Nevertheless, I believe I am making improvements. I am learning to be less tense and relax more in my conversations with others. I cannot run away from social situations and big groups of people when I need to so I ‘mentally prepare’ for them. I don’t mentally prepare “things to talk about” anymore.

Honestly though, it cringes me how some people have ENDLESS of things to talk about! Like I’d get so tired just talking man. Hahaha. But that’s them. Truth is, I do want to be a better storyteller. I can be a good listener, but I want to talk too. Just, not so much. Hah! Welcome to my complicated world. That aside, I’ll learn to be a better conversationalist and talk about myself in a way that’s comfortable, liberating and meaningful.